it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
