This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize