you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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