My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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