Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
