Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
