Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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