Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
