I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
