Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
