Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i believe in u and ur pee
soo... how was my night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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