she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
