I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize