so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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