If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
