Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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