Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
