so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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