and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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