The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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