Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
