Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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