Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
