I just made out with a guy for $7.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
