I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize