Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
