i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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