finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
