You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
