walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
