I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize