If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
