ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
