he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently the secret to your success is patron
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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