what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
