um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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