We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize