i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize