We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
