Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
