I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
