thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
