The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize