and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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