I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
