dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
