Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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