you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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