Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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