I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
