A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
