it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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