i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
