so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
