Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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