If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
