somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
