Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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