i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
