have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
