he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize