I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
