one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize