So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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