i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
