Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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