question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
