i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
