take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
