I think I died a long time ago.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
