i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
