So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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