please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
