...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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