oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
