You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
