Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
