if i can run in heels then i can drive
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize