i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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