just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
