are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize