I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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