just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
