omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
