You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
