If i come over, it means nothing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
