I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
