so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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