He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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