she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You made out with two different species that night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
