im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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