Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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