he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
