Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
