Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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