i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
