then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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