i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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