I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
