Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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