as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
